she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
