Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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