I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
