if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
