well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
