I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
