oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
