Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
