when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
