I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
