This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
