Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
3 2 1 whiskey
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
