Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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