You can't motorboat a personality
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she peed on how many people?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
