Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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