Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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