There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize