Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
