were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
