Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
false alarm. still invincible.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
