nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
