Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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