420 ftw
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
