I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize