I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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