If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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