things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
