Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
