I need help removing her.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
