The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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