yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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