She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
