I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
