We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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