Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
