sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
