How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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