All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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