i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
