My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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