Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
