I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
