Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
