He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize