just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
