Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
