sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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