The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
