He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
