I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
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