can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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