I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
