i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
