He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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