I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
