when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
