so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
