Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
