Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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