i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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