it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
