so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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