I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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