Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
