I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
