He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize