we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
